Updated: Nov 10, 2020
How do you find yourself where you are right now? Any one particular event or events lead to where you are right now? Well I've thought about this for a bit and here is what I've come up with from where I find myself.
It's been a strange year to date, to say the least. Although most everyone in the world would agree with that first statement, to fully explain myself I should start back in the summer of 2019.
My second son was born the July of 2019. In the summer heat I found myself with a body I didn't recognize, I had to say goodbye to the mother I had learned to be and by trial and error learn to become this new mom.
Any bit of rooting I had as a parent was being rocked to the core.
You might say that, the rocking has now stopped, but no, it is ever present. Learning to balance, sway, and maybe even one day learn to dance to this new beat is how I am making peace with it. There was a moment when I found myself holding my breath, as if I could wait out the difficult parts, things would pass, and return to what used to be. Now I know things are changed, and they will continue to do so, so I better be adapting and not waiting for the stars to align so I can live again.
You might think, holy crap! What happened, like there is a secret reveal on its way- no. I simple had another child, there doesn't necessarily need to be any subatomic catastrophe for things to be rattled and changed beyond recognition in one way or another. I may have walked into parenthood with my eyes firmly sealed, but I didn't think so. I am truly happy and would never change the fact that I am a parent. I welcome the changes, I just realized late in the game, that I am one of those people that learn by experience and as much as I could have theorized, I had no idea before going through parenthood what it would be.
After my first son, I had a deep desire to seperate myself from my own parents and brothers. I was making my own family, taking a step away the past and moving into the future, forming a family of my very own.
This second time around I have had a very different reaction, I wanted my mom to be there. I gained a new appreciation for my mom, I hadn't had when first becoming a parent, that I did the second time around. My love for my parents grew more in the years after my first son's birth, than it had in the first 25 years of my life.
The year following my second son's birth was mapped out so I could spend quite a lot more time with my parents than usual. I've lived a world away from them for just over a decade. So after that period apart my plan was, for the next three months, move into my father's senior community home and settling in with an four and a half year old and a four month old. My days consisted of video chatting with my husband, many naps, all the while doing my very best to entertain an almost five year old.
No surprise my best was not very good.
But we made it until Christmas, and my husband joined us for a sunny 25th of December. On a side note, while I was in California from October, we had began the process of bidding and ultimately purchasing a home with our very close friends. A home outside the city where two families can live, like a duplex. It's been a dream for a while that we live with another family and raise our kids together. Our new 'roommates' were pregnant and we couldn't have been more excited for this new adventure.
Mid-January just as the headlines began to cover Covid-19 in California, we were headed home to Denmark. We quickly packed our apartment up and soon enough found ourselves nesting two families and eating daily dinners together.
Before the dust could settle on our moving boxes, we were off on a ski holiday. It may seemed like we were traveling a lot for a young family, and if you ask me, I would agree with you. In many ways timing was on my side, as stay at home orders from the government were looming, we were ready to be rooted down in one place.
Being ready to get my son in a routine going back to daycare, and having a one-on-one period each day with baby Mateo, being in our new home was welcome. Unbeknownst to me what would happen on our ski holiday that would lead to Walter's hiatus from daycare to stretch from three months into an almost six month period. The eldest broke his leg.